"Dear God, Life is Hell"
doesn't that sum all of it?
And what if I ever reached that stage of calling God a "Dear" and yet tell him how his world is so screwed up...wouldn't that be liberating???
For now, my search for a nice, non-conspiring God continues....
"Dear God, Life is surely hell or worse."
Well, it is what it is and we are part of what we lost. so it drags on in hopes that someday i will redeem myself...though i am fuck-up when it comes to redeemable qualities...
Away from everything that I ever felt connected with...it surely is hell.
where are you Dear God? Are you there where they say you are? Maybe I could pay you a visit and bribe you to keep my sanity intact in the maze of worlds i live in...help me sort out one world - complete and whole.
"Dear God, where is heaven?"
Is it my lost home I left by choice and now missing it so bad that it seems heaven-like in my mind?
Find me a heaven...dear God... and I will never complain again...:)
but i wonder...and i wonder with a mind corrupted with knowledge and diffused with emotions and rendered incoherent...i can't trace my thoughts...they come and go and i can't hold on to them so i vomit it all on this screen lest they never come back again
If there is a God, why can't I see him or her ever...
If there is justice, why are millions dying in Darfur or of AIDS or in the war...
Why do we just wait and watch and sip our drinks in the comfort of our living rooms and denouce it all...we suck
Where are the questions to my answers? where will i find a solution...if there is any...will i just be lost in a maze of questions...is the doom near?
I am despairing, i can't save myself from the insanity that is around me...i am losing my innocence...drowning it all in a glass of margarita over those never-ending, inconclusive discussions on the ills of the world, the palgue of our profession...
I seek myself...my humanity, my happiness, my solitude
i want to run away. to retire before i lose myself
i am closing in...fortifying myself...the needle is piercing my skin, the pain is soothing, the slumber is welcome
I want to abandon it all...the knowledge because it corrupts...it makes me tread cautiously, it makes me careful...politically correct...i want to speak out, i can't, i feel muffled...my thoughts are random, i fear being branded as incoherent
It is like losing it all...it is like coming under anasthesia, the pungent smell is engulfing me, indifferent to and shutting out the smell of blood, of sweat...it is all around me, spreading itself on my identity...it is numbing me, killing my senses, my touch...
3 comments:
A good one...this was similar to what was going in my mind after leaving ur nears and dears in search of a heaven..losing the real heaven!
Dear Chinki Sinha, you are not the first person who’s told God that life is hell. Job, of the Bible, frequently asked God, “Why do you hate me?” But later in Job’s life God speaks to him, “Why do you talk so much when you know so little? … did you ever tell the sun to rise and have it obey… did you ever arrange the stars…do you have a thundering voice that compare with mine? If so, then surround yourself with glory and majesty. Show your furious anger!” Job comes to this conclusion, “You asked why I talk so much when I know so little. I have talked about things that are far beyond my understanding.” In the end, after all of Job’s whining about his deplorable state in life (friendless, poor, broken, all his family members died…), he comes to term with God and God makes him twice as rich as he was before the storms robbed him of his property. Whether you take the Bible as the Word of God or not, it’s docummentation that plenty of people from biblical times cried out against God, but God was merciful.
You’re right. The world is hopelessly screwed up. That’s written in the Bible too. God acknowledges that from the beginning. He gave us free will and we chose to bring sin into the world. But without hate what would love be? And without sickness, would we appreciate health? Just as all of the bad things of the world have their counterparts, the ugly world itself has it’s counterpart too: heaven. From the beginning the world, only a distorted image of heaven tarnished by evil, has been in a hopeless state. Hope entered the world when Jesus died on the cross. Nobody can redeem themselves. Even the person who thinks he/she is Christian, who lives by all the “rules” might not go to heaven because this religious person thinks that he/she is saving him/herself by following the rules. The Bible isn’t a rule book, it’s first and foremost a story about how even the most “holy” people fell short of perfection. All but one, and that one person redeemed us all.
God is everywhere. He needs no bribes, he wants to keep your sanity intact. He wants to show you the way through your maze of worlds. He wants you to find heaven. If you honestly search for him, he will respond. He will reveal himself to you. God was a just God. In the Old Testament his people continually fucked up and God had to let them sow their seeds. But Jesus is a merciful God. We can fuck up over and over and over again and he will still give us mercy.
We do suck. Everyday I try not to suck. I donate money to AIDS and to Darfur, I volunteer at shelters and spend time with children of prisoners. But I am not perfect, nor do I try to be, it’s useless. I rest peacefully in the fact that I don’t have to be perfect and Jesus will show me mercy.
I think the answers to your questions are in the Bible. Maybe you think it is just a book written by people. But if you study the history of this book you will learn why it is different than all other books. Written by multiple authors in multiple languages over hundreds of years, it manages to tell one cohesive story (I’m trying to imagine if Jane Austen wrote a chapter of a book, Voltaire wrote another, and Dan Brown wrote another—would their story be cohesive?) And the Bible checks itself out. The same themes run through the whole, prophesies written in one language by one man are recorded by another man hundreds of years later as fulfilled. And unlike any other religious text, the Bible is not a book of rules to get to heaven. It’s a story about Jesus. We can infer good ways to live our lives from it, but Christianity is the only religion in which you don’t have to subscribe to a cookie-cutter follower. It’s the only religion that allows anyone into heaven. And it’s the only religion that allows you into heaven even if you don’t follow the rules.
Take Care, and good luck in your journey.
To Mobie: Your commentary was well said. It was very enlightening for any who would listen. You chose an excellent analogy in Job to put your point across and basically just "make it plain". I truly love and identify with the book of Job. Again, well (excellent) said.
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