Gay prom

An edited version of this was published in Utica Observer-Dispatch but most of the reporting was done on my off days and after work. This was the first time I attended a gay prom and after work, I went back to the party that was still on. They were dancing, kissing and seemed happy ... away from the pressures. But of course when they would return to their normal lives, it would be dificult yet again.

UTICA – Chris Rizzo was radiant in his black chiffon dress and high-heel satin sandals at gay pride prom.
His lips painted flaming red, and his eye lashes pumped with loads of mascara, Rizzo was the perfect date for the alternative prom that started about four years ago for members and allies of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community.
Rizzo loved the attention. Even girls, in all their regalia, noticed him.
But a year ago, in the same black dress, it had been no fun. At the regular prom at Thomas R. Proctor High School last year, Rizzo dared to wear woman's clothing.
"I got many weird looks," Rizzo, who now attends Mohawk Valley Community College, said. "Half the school was saying what's wrong with you? Yes, it's very difficult being gay."
So when Kelly Wolfe started an alternative prom in the region, Rizzo was happy he could just be without worrying about others, and could have his own chiffon and satin memories without a sour taste just like any other.
For Wolfe, who is the facilitator for the Utica LGBT Youth Group a part of the Aids Community Resource Group, starting an alternative prom was not just about drag shows, guys holding each other's hands and girls kissing, but about a safe and secure environment for LGBT youth in the Mohawk valley, many of who have not come out to their families.
Maybe it's an escape from the pressures of being what you are not, she said.
"There were so many kids they couldn't bring their partners to the prom," she said. "This is a safe space."
And so inside the Neighborhood Center at the gay prom event, Rizzo danced with abandon. The prom was the place to leave worries behind. He mixed salsa with retro, did the swirls, and smiled often. This was his special night.
That Rizzo was gay was a known fact at school. A tall, strong guy, Rizzo thought he could be intimidating and take care of himself. But dealing with disapproval was another thing.
It never stopped to hurt when students called him faggot or freak, he said.
"It's a place they can come to and not worry about getting attacked," he said. 'It gives everyone a chance to be. If schools if the schools were better with their policy we wouldn't need to worry about getting attacked and we wouldn't have to have private proms."
In its fourth year, the gay prom night is a hit. Four years ago when Wolfe, an Ilion High School graduate, first organized an alternative prom for LGBT youth, about 30 people attended. This year, more than 100 college and high school students packed the hall.
At first it was LGBT students from different area schools but over the years many straight allies have been part of the gay prom, a good signal, Wolfe said.
"Having more straight people attending these proms will start the conversation," she said.
While Boston has had such proms for more than 20 years, for a far more conservative Mohawk Valley it's a recent development, Wolfe said.
Wolfe feels the larger community is not anti-gay but lacks knowledge of the LGBT issues.
"I think the community is not educated," she said. "I think solution is going to come through education."
Up until almost a decade ago, alternative gay proms where same-sex couples are a norm were confined to a handful of big cities. But they are increasingly becoming a nationwide phenomenon, a trend that also reflects how more high school students are coming out of the closet, according to Eliza Byard, deputy executive director of the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network.
"Unfortunately in some communities gay proms are necessary because LBGT students are not made to feel welcome at their own proms," Byard said. "So, on the one hand it is interesting to hear about the increased interest but at the same time this means schools must be proactive."
In the meantime, such alternative events can be stepping stones in the inclusion of the LGBT students in school activities, she said.

Bullying against LGBT students

While school districts say they don't discriminate and gay students can bring their same-sex dates to the prom, for students like Rizzo, it is the name-calling and the hostile environment that often makes them shelve the idea.
Rachel Craft, a former Proctor student who is a straight ally, said name-calling is common at schools.
"It happens everywhere," she said. "You would hear it anywhere."
So Kristy O'Donnell played it safe at their junior prom this year because there is no point being called names such as "fags" and "dykes", she said.
"No matter where you go, it's a problem," she said.
O'Donnell, a junior at Proctor High School, accompanied a male friend to the school's prom this year. That is what is expected of a girl, she said.
According to a 2005 Harris Interactive survey of New York State students, 72 percent of respondents reported hearing homophobic remarks in school and 57 percent reported hearing negative comments about a person's gender expression. The survey found that about 36 percent of the time staff rarely or never intervened when hearing
homophobic remarks.
The New York State Education Law does not have any explicit prohibition on harassment of any kind in primary or secondary education. While some New York localities have passed anti-discrimination and harassment policies for their schools, there is no comprehensive statewide protection from harassment in schools
under New York state law.
Several states including California, Connecticut, Massachusetts, and New Jersey have passed anti-harassment measures for their public schools that are inclusive of sexual orientation.
Some New York communities including Albany, Buffalo, and Rochester have similar policies.
Many of the area's school districts' policy on preventing sexual harassment do not include the terms "sexual orientation" as one of the factors for abuse.
A broader anti-discrimination policy which governs school events, school officials say, covers sexual orientation, Proctor High School Principal Steve Falchi said.
He said he has not heard of any incidents of name-calling at proms or senior balls.
"I not aware of it," he said.
Wolfe said having a policy doesn't necessarily mean it is enforced.
"There's not a lot of conversation going on in our schools," she said.
Area school districts also have no support groups for LGBT students. New Hartford High School Principal Jennifer Spring said an umbrella group called Students for Justice and Equality at the school address LGBT issues.
Under the school policy, any kind of behavior that is threatening or name-calling is punishable, she said.
"Whenever things like that are reported, we take it very seriously," she said.
But Rizzo and O'Donnell insist such bullying is common. A new study of public school principals released in May by GLSEN in collaboration with the National Association of Secondary School Principals says half of the principals view bullying as a serious
problem at their schools, yet they appear to underestimate the extent of harassment that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender students experience.

The Principal's Perspective: School Safety, Bullying and Harassment surveyed 1,580 K-12 public school principals between June 15 and August 3, 2007.
New York State is one of the states that have not yet passed the Dignity for All Students Act which was introduced first in 2001 and then in 2004. The act, which seeks to address the issues of harassment and discrimination based on actual or perceived race, national origin, ethnic group, religion, disability, sexual orientation, gender, or sex in private schools, is expected to come up for a hearing in the senate in June, Byard said.
"When schools have inclusive policy, such students are more likely to see administrators as potential allies," Byard said.
Ariz Barnett, 19, often worried about his safety at school. At Mohawk, a little town tucked away in the valley, it was not easy being openly gay.
He never came out to his friends at school.
"Everyday at school, I was afraid," he said.
The other alternative was to be what others expected him to be – a heterosexual man and date women. But that wasn't being himself, he said.
"People are people and love is love," he said.
Another gay student Donnie Williams, 19, hung out in locker rooms trying to make sense of the attraction he had for boys. It felt odd being the only "out" gay student at school in Brookfield.
"Anyone who deviated was crucified," he said.
But he did and paid the price.
He recalled how everyone expected him to get reformed. Someone dropped off a Bible in his mailbox warning him that his deviant behavior might land him in hell. A few neighbors told him on his face he was going to the devil. After a while it did not bother him that people rolled their eyes when they saw him, he said.
"I just went through it," he said. "Now I try to live my life as an example."