walking through the glass doors

the confessions have yet to come
for i have no soul
no goddamn soul to rake the ashes
for i fear the fire will kindle again
and burn all
exhume the possibility of a rare moment
a moment where i shall be in peace yet again, when i will walk unfazed

for long i have been in denial
seeing not what lay before me
overlooking perhaps

i cry over the lost world
shed many in its passing
for that which is gone
will never return
on closed doors
i knock, pound and knock yet again
i pause
consider, think of the rights and the wrongs of the past
all behind the shut doors
do i dare confront them
the lies, twisted truths
the betreyals, stories of passion, pain of goodbyes
the naked truth
the ugly reality
oh, how long shall i squirm in my seat
how long will i delay the admittance

the fire burns
hot embers, red and orange
it is an angry fire
eager to burn

it spreads
it is wild too like me
it invites me to step into it
i hesitate
but it spreads
like i don't matter
i will have to pass throrugh it
i am in the purgatory

long i have borne the illnesss
like cancer it spread
now i must burn it
and burn my skin, my soul with it

yes, it hurt then
a year later, i am still inching toward sanity
long i have kept a face
denying the pain, proclaiming it did not matter at all
so long the smile started to hurt

now, when i see the 'other' in your life
it feels like a scorpion sting
the poison spreading
and i become angry

but they say
with anger comes the confession
the strength to walk through the glass doors, beyond it
where the grass grows tall
i had been trapped within those
not seeing them, always yearning for what lay on the other side
my past

and i shed a tear, just one
for that lost world
as i glance back at what burns behind those glass doors
and i walk